Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
