I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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