I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.