I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch