Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.