i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
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So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
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all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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