I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
