There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
