Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
