I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
false alarm. still invincible.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
