she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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