You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
