The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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