life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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