your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
