how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You have to summon your inner elephant
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
