did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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