ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
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dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
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I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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