I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
