Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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