hotel room ftw
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
