if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
