Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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