stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
