He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
