he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
