You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
