rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
