i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
