If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
