My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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