see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
