What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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