I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
