SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
