I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
