Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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