We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
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I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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