i just google imaged poop.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
