So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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