She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.