i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.