What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
