you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
