I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
