the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
