NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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