I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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