Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
