i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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