my being single is dangerous.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
