It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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