vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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