i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
