he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
