He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
