Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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