watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he was CRYING into my vagina
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
