the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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