Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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