is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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