We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
