it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
