my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize