yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Randomize
