please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
